The Black Christian Singles Guide to Dating and Sexuality
Aug 2, When women ask their honest questions about sexuality, the most common ones typically relate to whether certain things are right or wrong for Christian women to engage in. They want to know where the boundaries lie. There are plenty of opinions available on each of these questions. Ask five people you know, and you will probably hear five drastically different answers. God is the one who created you as a sexual being. If you truly want your sexuality to be an expression of your love for Christ, the only opinion that matters is his. Are you ready? Do not hide your commands from me. If you are a child of God, you are a stranger on this earth.
FLESH SERIES: Boundaries in Dating
There are some myths out there that people assume to be gospel about dating, especially among Christians. Christian culture is like any other in that we develop truisms that we accept without verifying. There are ” Christian dating ” ideas floating around that have little or nothing to do with the Bible.
Most are well intended and contain a nugget of truth.
God is the one who created you as a sexual being. If you truly want your sexuality to be an expression of your love for Christ, the only opinion.
Twenty years later, that ritual strikes me as almost innocuous — how much power do we give to the scribbled signature of a teenager who had only the faintest idea what sex was? Yet it also carried a psychological burden that many of my peers and I are still unloading. It held out the promise that if I remained pure, then God would reward good behavior with a husband — surely before I turned 30 so that we could have lots of children.
Twenty years later, I no longer subscribe to purity culture, largely because it never had anything to say to Christians past the age of Yet lately, I also find myself mourning the loss of the coherent sexual ethic that purity culture tried to offer. Is consent culture the best that we have in its place? Rather than emphasize the gift of sex within marriage, purity culture typically led with the shame of having sex outside of it.
At each turn, someone would spit in the cup, until the last person had a cup full of spit. In light of its damaging effects, several Christian leaders have recently suggested a more gracious sexual ethic.
Sexuality of Jesus
Godly unmarried sexuality is more than a call to abstain from sexual activity. Christ offers treasures to all who seek to live in a way that is pleasing to God as image bearers who are also sexual beings, including the unmarried. Be pure! Hands off! To a degree, these words ring true. Chastity is sexually lived out in a pure way; it is a commitment to keep sex in its proper place.
My boyfriend and I are both Christians and got saved on the same day last year. We have been together for almost 2 years. We are fully committed to each other and are just waiting to finish school to get married. Before we were saved we were sexually active together but have since been working very hard at stopping this because we know it is not pleasing to God and will make that gift He reserves for marriage less special once we are married.
We have been pure in that sense for about 4 months now, but we constantly struggle with fooling around. We have friends keeping us each accountable and we truly desire to have a God-honoring relationship. However, I am starting to become concerned that ignoring my sexual urges and emotions until we are married approx. Is this a legitimate concern? Even though we are fully committed to each other, is it still wrong to partake in ANY sort of sexual acts, such as fooling around?
How Should Christians Have Sex?
Posted by Amy Orr-Ewing Morality. The question you have most been dreading comes — What is wrong with sex before marriage? What on earth are you going to say? In the gospels, Jesus was asked many difficult questions and he frequently responded with a question, before answering more fully. He did this so often that I think we are probably meant to notice it and learn something. What question might we ask here?
It is commonly believed among Assemblies of God constituents that lenient attitudes toward sex before or outside of marriage are completely contrary to the clear teaching of Scripture. It is also felt that uncontrolled and irresponsible expressions of affection and sexual permissiveness are directly responsible for the breakdown of much in our society. Dating and premarital courtship as practiced in 20th-century America are entirely different from the process of mate selection in Bible days.
In ancient times dating and courtship were virtually nonexistent. Marriages were arranged by fathers; and great importance was placed on family lines, histories, and dowries. Few in modern culture would care to return to the marriage system of ancient civilization. Yet our modern system is not without flaw. The moral erosion of our culture has encouraged people to place an over-emphasis on physical attributes, appearance, and sexual attraction.
This has occurred to the neglect of focusing on important qualities such as integrity, purity, and commitment; all of which are needed to sustain a marriage and family. Because dating and courtship did not exist then, neither Jesus, His disciples nor the authors of Scripture were led to specifically address these modern practices.
However Scripture is full of stories and truths that declare the need for sexual purity and self control. After the creation of mankind, God identified His creation as male and female with the capacity and basic need to unite, become one flesh Genesis
She is passionate about promoting the message of God-defined womanhood through blogging, speaking, mentoring young women, and hosting Bible studies in her living room. With tears streaming down my face, I sat alone in my room. As a year-old Christian single woman, I was battling against my flesh and the sexual temptations in my mind…again.
I wanted to be pure. I wanted to fight against the lust in my life.
Dating nowadays is hard. There are endless underhand tactics , unspoken rules and too many options. Although the average marriage age is increasing, a study found that religious communities are continuing to marry at a traditional, young age. Of course, the importance of religion varies for everyone. For Jack, this was confusing. But building a relationship that didn’t revolve around sex was more important to her.
Christian Singles and Sexuality
Have you ever wondered what’s okay in the bedroom, in terms of Christian sex? Here is a Christian sex guide to answer your questions in a very candid way! Did you have a chance to read Jennifer’s article on purity? Well, it brought to our attention a few reader questions, which we thought warranted another post in response.
What to avoid on dates. Don’t spend your time in wild parties and getting drunk or in adultery and lust, or fighting, or jealousy. Dating should not include a sexual relationship. No other sin affects the body as this one does. When you sin this sin it is against your own body. Keep yourself pure. To keep from hurting ourselves, sexual desires and activities must be placed under Christ’s control.
First, acknowledge your sin. Let me be pure again. For I admit my shameful deed—it haunts me day and night. Second, Ask forgiveness for your sin—God says you can start over again. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. And after You have punished me, give me back my joy again. Don’t keep looking at my sins—erase them from Your sight.
What nobody is telling you about celibacy
I wrote earlier on celebrating sexuality within a Christian worldview. I still think the world yearns for affirmation of our sexuality from God’s point of view, especially since the world never hesitates to offer distortions and lies on the topic. However, the most intriguing responses to me were the voices of Christian singles.
The generation of kids who once kissed dating goodbye and held fast to the promise that True Love Waits is no longer hanging its moral hat on the hook of sexual.
Remember the days when Christians used to blush over conversations about sex? Sermons on the Song of Solomon left us avoiding eye contact with our pastors and safe sex talks in public school meant guaranteed giggling after class. The generation of kids who once kissed dating goodbye and held fast to the promise that True Love Waits is no longer hanging its moral hat on the hook of sexual purity. What is causing the growing chasm between our Christian belief and sexual purity?
When I moved to New York City in the years following college, I was devastated to learn how many of my Christian friends were regularly hooking up at bars and sleeping with boyfriends and girlfriends with no plans for marriage. The subcultural sentiment was that abstinence is worth preaching through the college years as parental influence wanes and students bumble through the early years of adulthood.
Celibacy amongst my Christian peer group was viewed as cute and commendable, but certainly not crucial. At the core they were simply living out the compartmentalization of sexuality that was also present in my heart. From the day I received my True Love Waits Bible in junior high school, I locked up my sexual desire to be opened only in case of marriage. By failing to embrace my sexual identity in the midst of tempering my desire, I inadvertently called evil what God had deemed good.
Ariella Nyssa sometimes feels guilty when she has sex with her boyfriend. Staying “pure” for a future husband by abstaining from any sexual activity was something she and her fellow church members valued. But in the wrong context, purity messages can be harmful. An extreme example is “purity culture” in Protestant Christianity , which has been widely criticised for leading to feelings of shame around sex, Dr Whitaker says.
Tanya Koens is a sexologist in Sydney and says some of her clients have similar stories to Ariella’s, where cultural and religious beliefs have impacted their ability to enjoy sex or fully embrace their sexuality. Ms Koens says it can be hard to flip a switch and embrace sex once it’s “allowed”. There was a big purity culture movement in evangelical Christianity in the US during the late ’90s and early s, explains Dr Whitaker.
In its best form, she says it was about young Christians living holy and pure lives through moral thoughts and behaviour. In the census, more than 60 per cent of Australians identified with an organised religion. She says growing up feeling ashamed of sexual desire to suddenly being expected to have fantastic sex on your wedding night is a “huge psychological leap”.
Ms Koens says viewing sex as something dirty or sinful “takes all the pleasure out of it”. They’re not relaxed or connected with their bodies and have unhelpful dialogue in their head. Oh, you’re married? Go figure it out and have fun.